How to meet men and women in Islam

By | October 21, 2022

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That day I watched a question and answer video between Mufti Ismail Menk and a youtuber Ali Dawah. The video tells you the best way to meet candidates of the opposite sex. So you can watch his video below.

This video has four parts in total. But I only share part 3 with you. The rest you can see for yourself on YouTube.
If you are too lazy to watch the video first, I will emphasize the important points in this video.

Among the important points in the video:

1) Don’t leave parents aside in this kind of business. People have the right to know and share their opinion.

I agree with this part again if it’s a girl. His own father will be the guardian at the time of marriage. So before the relationship gets serious, it’s best to inform the parents first. If the parents like the candidate, then inshallah they can continue. But if the parents don’t like that, it’s not that hard if they have to break up because things aren’t really serious yet. It’s like people say that when we get married, we will not only have a relationship with our husband/wife, but a relationship with other people’s families. If your parents/to-be-in-law don’t like you, are you willing to live for years in a situation where your parents/to-be-in-law have already hinted that people don’t like you?

2) Mufti is interested in 2 things if someone comes to beg his child.

Those two things are: 1) Deen; 2) Morality

If both of these things are good for someone and both partners are interested then just proceed to get married.

This one I agree with. Because you want to see if someone is suitable and whether he is a good person or not, you can’t see from his morals. If he has good morals with other people, God willing, he will have good morals with us. Then religion. If he prioritizes religion first in something, then we have nothing to worry about. Because Islam is our life guide. If we refer to the right guide (Islam), God willing, our lives will be on the right track.

3) There is no halal dating, but there is a meeting.

You can meet with the candidate (this is a sunnah thing) but you have to have someone else to watch over you so that something wrong doesn’t happen. The third person does not have to sit even once, but it is enough that he can watch our behavior when we meet. This is the best way of doing it… You can meet many times if you are still not satisfied. But under the same conditions.

In a way I agree with this part. This is the best way to get to know each other according to Mufti Ismail Menk’s suggestion. Because he said that the third person is only needed to monitor our behavior. The third person doesn’t even need to listen to the conversation. So he doesn’t feel awkward and uncomfortable when we talk later. But if the third person has to always be there during the conversation, I don’t agree. Feeling uncomfortable and may not know what to say later. It’s different if the third person both know each other, so there’s no problem with that.

4) If there is a candidate but the parents force them to marry with their choice, what is it like?

Just be honest and tell the parents’ chosen candidate that getting to know him will be a waste of time because there are other candidates. Inform him that the parents are just being funny. And honestly say that you don’t want to continue.

I don’t agree with this one. I don’t want to say keep going so that there are more candidates, more choices can be made, right..

5) There are parents who do not let us meet our chosen candidate. Even though in this life, how many men or women have we met, it doesn’t matter. Lecturers, traders and others of different genders can be found. Then why can’t you find a candidate who is under the supervision of a third person?? Of course it is possible as long as there is a third person watching so as not to socialize excessively.

If there are parents who behave like that, I think it’s very strict for me. Because looking at a prospective partner before marriage is also recommended in Islam. If there is a third person when you meet then why not right?

6) The proper way to chat on the phone that Mufti Ismail Menk suggests is to create a group chat and enter a third person once. The third person is just dormant, He is silent and doesn’t say anything. Just an observer.. this is for the protection of our hearts and minds. The heart and mind are very powerful. Don’t be controlled by others so that we don’t get hurt badly no matter what happens..

I don’t agree with this part even though before this I agreed as in my previous entry. Because it’s a bit difficult for me to chat in a group with a third person. So uncomfortable. It’s hard to be ourselves because we will still feel like keeping secrets with people we have no intention of sharing secrets with (the third person). But we want to share that secret with our candidate so that he knows everything about us. So for me as long as the conversation chat does not cause slander, so I think it’s ok. How do you know if the conversation is ok? If we feel that our chat conversation is for other people to read and he does not see anything that leads to immorality and negligent matters, God willing our conversation will still not run away from the path of Islam. This part has to be honest with yourself..

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Anyway, if you want to meet someone, you must first have the intention of getting married. If you don’t intend to get married or just want to test the market first, it’s best not to start dating.. Wait until you’re ready to get married and then start dating someone. If not, it is likely that we will be more exposed to things that are forbidden in Islam during the introduction period. Yes.. because in my head I don’t want to do what God told me to do (marriage) but I just want to find the experience of meeting people of the opposite sex… Just make sure our intentions are right in doing whatever we do.

That’s all. I want to share the video with you in this post. May it be useful.

*This is just my opinion. Maybe I’m right and maybe your view is right. If you think my point of view is wrong and you think you should reprimand me, please.. I am not the wisest teacher in this regard. Any views and remarks are very welcome..


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